Dear Fletcher,

You have had this picture (below) of you and your Gaga next to your bed since Gaga passed away. You found it in a pile of photos somewhere shortly after her funeral because I had been putting boards together for her service. Just a few days after we celebrated her life, this picture ended up at your bedside table. It’s from 2015, not long after we first moved into this house.

Over Christmas break, as you know, we redid your room to make room for your amazing Bobby Witt poster and bat and to make your room more spectacular. When I asked you if you wanted to keep that photo out, you responded insistently (like I was crazy for asking), “yes mom, I love that picture, it’s my favorite.” So…we decided that the picture of you and Gaga needed a frame so it could be properly displayed.

After a lot of cleaning and reordering your room has become a little boy masterpiece. You have Royals and Chiefs stuff everywhere but on that bedside table…your favorite picture (now in a frame) holds a special spot.

A few nights ago I asked you why the picture was facing your door versus where you could see it when you lay in your insanely large bed at night. You replied “so that everyone who comes in my room can see my favorite picture with my favorite person.”

I can’t tell you how much I loved that response.

Last night, we came up to bed as we usually do. Everyone climbed on your bed, we said our family prayers and once again it was just me and you. As I lay there scratching your back (like Gaga used to do for me and Aunt Jenny) and conversing, you leapt up from your bed to turn Gaga’s photo towards you as you slept.

You see, we had watched a “scary” movie last night and as you did this you said to me “that’s better, I’ll be safe now because Gaga will watch over me.”

You paused as I prepared a response but before I could say anything you followed this with “Man, I love her, I’m so glad she was my Gaga.”

My sweet, thoughtful, loving and magnificent boy….I couldn’t agree more! She was the best Gaga and she loved you so much.

I told you about the day that picture was taken, because, my sweet boy, I remember it like it was yesterday. You always adored your Gaga and you’d look at her with your big blue eyes and dimpled face and she couldn’t resist any part of it. She’d kiss your cheeks and you’d giggle your little face off. I was a beautiful sight to behold. It’s a core memory for me, and one, I know you don’t remember. But ask my anytime, I’m happy to retell it.

As we lay there talking about Gaga, you informed me how she is in Heaven and you told me she is an angel that looks out for all of us on a regular basis. We both agreed and these facts and that we both miss her a lot. You even had a small tear in your eye as we talked about her but it was replaced quickly with a big smile when I told you again how much she adored you.

Here’s why I needed to write about this for you…first, I want you to remember how much you love her always. You are 9 years old as I write this. It scares me that the more days that pass, the more you might forget her and I don’t want that and I know you don’t either.

The last year has taught me that when people are in a state of deep grief about losing a core person to them, they really just want to know that the person they love won’t be forgotten by other people. Or, at least, that’s been my experience.

So for me…I love that you want that picture on your nightstand. I love that you want to talk about her and hear stories about her. I love that you tell people she was your favorite person and I always want you to remember how you felt when you were with her. Loved. Adored. Celebrated. She made everyone feel that way. It was her gift. You are a lot like her in that regard. You make everyone feel special too. The ultimate hype man you are…just like your Gaga.

When you are old enough and you read this one day, I hope you can use it to guide your own adult life. We can all learn a thing or two from our Gaga (or hundreds :). Perhaps the most important of lessons is that the greatest gift we can truly give anyone is our time. She gave that to you in abundance and it left its mark on your heart forever. As your mom, I couldn’t be more grateful.

So, my little man…when you are grown and you think about how you want to spend your time, spend it wisely, with the ones you love most and it will be time well spent.

And please know…that I am 1,000 percent certain that Gaga is up in Heaven smiling down at you and absolutely loving that you have that picture on your nightstand and that you talk about her and remember her. I can also tell you that is a huge gift to me, so let’s keep remembering and celebrating the gift that was your Gaga.

I love you more,

Mom