It’s been a year. I have had a hard time coming up with the right words to explain the grief I have felt in losing my mom, best friend and support system. I am certain I still don’t have the right words. But that day, when we laid her to rest, a year ago, I felt like I had the right ones. So I’m just going to share them again. And…I’m going to share Bryan’s words as well. For me, for our kids, for those that loved her and maybe even for people who didn’t know her but know us…it’s a small window into the awesome that was my mom. I never knew anyone better. I miss you mom and I love you the most.

My eulogy from Gaga’s funeral…

My name is Nancy Dorsey and I am Ellen’s youngest daughter.  My mom was my hero and my best friend and I couldn’t miss an opportunity to tell you about what an awesome human being she is.  Our mom spent nearly 40 years as a teacher so I thought there was no better way to describe her to all of you than by using the alphabet.  It was hard to select only one word for each letter so…I didn’t. I promised my mom I wouldn’t cry and those of you that know me are sitting in your seat laughing right now thinking…there. Is. No. way.  I promise you all, I will do my best.  Hopefully you learn something from the greatest teacher I have ever known.

1. Is for adored.  I think the last week has reminded us all that when you are a good person and you put only goodness out into the world, it comes back at you ten-fold.   

B-  is for badass and brave. I don’t know anyone who deserves that title more. No one has endured more and done it with more grace.

C- is for courageous. Gaga’s ability to face the hard stuff was always something to marvel at. “Put one foot in front of the other.”  I can hear her voice now.  

D- is for dedicated.  No one gave more to whatever they were doing than our mom.  She showed up to our classrooms when we were kids, made master plays as a teacher where she’d actually get middle school boys to sing, she hosted her classes at our home many times, the list goes on.  To use her words, if you are going to do something, do it right.  A lesson I know we will never forget.

E- is for Expectations: another lesson she taught us is that in life you get what you expect and accept, so we dang well better demand what we deserve. When you do this, you end up with greatness all around you. 

F- is for family.  There is nothing Gaga loved more than her family. While our mom didn’t have the easiest childhood, she was loyal to her family until the day they died. 

F- is also for Forgiving-I have never known a more forgiving person.  I did a series of interviews with my mom a few years ago and when I talked with her about her own parents, she always responded with something like “I believe they did the best that they could.  I don’t know what their life was like and I just believe in life that people do the best they can.”  I am hopeful that this trait of our mom’s rubs off on all of us. 

G- is for Gaga. Hands down the best name she’s ever been called. Being with her grandkids was the highlight of her life.  Finley, Ellen, cooper, hunter, Fiona. Logan and Fletcher and even her fur babies Zoey, Izzy, gigi and Cutie pie…you were your Gaga’s greatest adventure and deepest love.

G is for Generous: Save the apes?  Orphans? Catholic Charities?  You name a charity; I could provide a receipt with her donation.  She also couldn’t pass up a good deal…groupon anyone?  She may or may not have had a problem.  She was so generous with her money but the greatest generousity she provided others was the gift of her time.  She had a way of making every single person feel important.  I believe it was her super power.

H- is for Hard working- Gaga had to always be helping.  She was a see a need fill it kind of person more than anyone I’ve ever known.  She could never just sit. She literally had heart surgery and when she was finally able to come home, I’d come home from practice or dropping the kids off somewhere and she’d be in the kitchen trying to sweep the floor with one arm with her heart brace on.  She could never walk past a crumb on the floor without bending down to pick it up, even until the very end.  If there was a need to be filled, she got up and filled it and never had to be asked.

I-is for I love you more.  Anytime you told Gaga you loved her she responded with I love you more.  We were so blessed to be loved by her. 

J-is for Junk food.  Circus peanuts, good and plenty, bread pudding…all the things.  She loved her sweets.  When we asked the kids when they were little what Gaga’s favorite food was, many responded with “candy”.  We will honor that today at her celebration following mass.

K- is for Kind.  If you ever had the pleasure of meeting our Mom you saw her smile.  She was so happy and always smiling. Her smile coupled with her beautiful green eyes were like looking into her soul, which was so pure and good.  She always looked for the good in other people and she usually found it. 

L-is for Laundry.  I have never known a person that got more joy from doing laundry.  It was her outlet and for many years Bryan and I were legitimately not allowed in our own laundry room. 

M- is for mom…her second favorite title.  Gaga is the best mom there ever was. She is firm. She is loving and caring. She sets the bar high and she expected our best because she knew we were capable of it. However, perhaps the most important lesson she taught Jen and I was that if there was anything in this world we wanted to be or do, that it was possible. She gave us confidence and we will always be grateful.

N- is for Never failing.  Gaga could always be counted on.  She always said if you say you are going to do something, you do and you do it right. 

O-is for Optimistic-She could always look on the bright side. Even the past few years when she struggled with her health, she literally never complained.  Not once.  I have no idea how but that’s that “one foot in front of the other” piece that she had mastered.

P- is for paper products.  All of them.  Kleenex, paper towels, toilet paper…you name it…she couldn’t stand to not have stacks of all of these things in every room in our house. 

Q-is for Quality. This word is defined as the degree of excellence of something.  Yep.  That’s our Gaga.  She was good at everything she tried and she gave us all the best gift of all, the quality time she spent with us.

R-is for resilient-Growing up whenever my sister and I complained about something being hard mom always said “someone always has it worse”. It was code for stop complaining and get yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going.  No one did that more or better than our mom.

R is also for Robe-It was a hot commodity in our house. I’m pretty sure everyone of her grandkids loved to snuggle up with Gaga while either she or one of them was wearing her gray and pink robe.

S- is for Show the heck up.  Our mom showed up for more people in her 76 years on earth than anyone I’ve ever known.  One of the best examples I can give you is this… When was about 8 years old our house along with multiple neighbor’s house flooded.  I can remember Jen and I’s toys floating in our living room and our dad Joe swimming through it grabbing our favorites.  However, I also remember my mom feverishly cooking meals for our neighbors while this was all happening.  You see, our kitchen hadn’t flooded, and our neighbors had, so they in fact “had it worse.” In true Gaga form she was even showing up for others even when her own life was in chaos.  That pretty much epotimizes our mom. 

S is also for Saint-I believe my mom was an actual saint walking among us.  I hope the descriptions I am giving shows you why I feel that way. 

T is for teacher and tireless- I am certain there wasn’t a better teacher.  She loved her students so much.  She juggled so much when we were kids from her full-time job, all of our activities and caring for her many sick family members.  She literally Never seemed to get tired.  She continued teaching even after she retired.  She loved teaching her grandkids and she taught myself and my sister more than she’ll ever know.  I know even in her absence people will continue to learn from her because she was just that good.

T is also for “this too shall pass” Jennifer and I heard this a lot growing up.  It basically means we can do hard things when things are hard.  I’m pretty sure Gaga would want me to remind everyone here of that today.

U- is for Unbelievable: Not sure I need to elaborate.  I think you all get the point.

V-is for volleyball; This can’t not be mentioned. My mom made coaching possible for Bryan and I when we had 5 kids under 5.  Without her help there would have been…no way.  Bryan tried to quit many times, but mom would never have that.  It was something we go to do that was together and it was so important to her. She loved and appreciated our St. James Volleyball family.

V- is also for Values-Mom was a person with strong convictions and never waivered from her moral code, However, even with her strong convictions she could love people well that she didn’t agree with, an example our world could use more of.

W-is for Welcoming- Gaga knew no stranger and was also no stranger to taking in strangers.  She was a great connector of people: Gaga could talk to anyone and her warm smile made everyone feel welcome.  Jennifer and I never knew a Christmas where we didn’t have what we affectionately called a stray.  She couldn’t stand the thought of someone being excluded and all our birthday parties growing up would be evidence of that.  

X- is for xtraordinary Gaga was extraordinary in every possible way. 

Y-is for yift. I can honestly say I’ve never heard this word before.  But yift means “something given as a gift”.  Gaga was our yift. 

Z- is for Zealous. This word is defined as showing great energy or enthusiasm and passion in pursuit of a cause or objective.  Anyone who knew Gaga knows that she approached everything this way.

While I realize 26 letters accompanied by words cannot summarize this person who meant the world to so many or the impact that she left on all those who knew her, I hope that it is a good start and that everyone here got to know my favorite person just a little better.  One of my friends described her as one of God’s great masterpieces.  I couldn’t agree more.  I love you more Mom.

Bryan’s Eulogy at Gaga’s Funeral..

My name is Bryan Dorsey.   I am Ellen’s son-in-law.   I have known Ellen/Gaga for 22 years; and really well for the past 15 years as we have lived together.  The obvious question you are all asking is “how can someone live with their Son-in-Law” that long 🙂

What most of you don’t realize is how close I was to not being connected to Gaga…Just a quick story about how we first met.  It was Wintertime and Nancy and I went to Chicago to go to a family wedding.  As everyone was getting ready for the wedding, Ellen asked me to take their 15 year gold, pride and joy dog, Gummy, out before we left.   It was freezing cold and had just snowed.  To get to the yard, you had to walk across the deck, next to the pool and then to the yard.   I hadn’t been there before so wasn’t real familiar with sidewalk.   I was also in my suit and dress shoes.  As I was walking, my foot hit the pool cover and immediately it sucked me into the pool, fully clothed.   Thankfully, my immediate reaction was to put Gummy up in the air above my head.  That, of course, meant I went fully into the pool.   I climbed my way out and walked back into the house…and thankfully – Gummy was OK – to the delight and concern of Ellen.  At that point, my hyperthermia wasn’t her concern 🙂

I have asked a few times what I would have done if Gummy fell in with me…well, I likely would have just took off the other way and found my way back to Kansas.

Suffice to say, Gaga was so special to me.   I am beyond blessed to stand in front of you today to have the opportunity to share a few quick thoughts.  Nancy/Jen, you know what this means to me – so thank you both.  I hope I do her, and you, justice with my words.

Since my Dad passed a couple years ago, I had a dear friend that recommended I try a daily rosary.  I love it.   As I was listening this week and praying for some help with words that would equate to what Ellen deserves, the same word kept repeating itself in my mind..

Abundance.   Abundance.  Abundance.

Man, was Gaga, abundant.

She was abundant in her love.

She was abundant in her need for certain items – Kleenex, toilet paper, vicks vapor rub, coconut cream coffee creamer – only equaled by her concern to get rid of trash!

She was abundant in her generosity – getting the mail each day was comical.  As Nan notated, if you name the charity, we were on their mailer!  – chimps, politicians, didn’t matter the cause.  But it just wasn’t monetary – she was generous with her time.  Just a few days before her passing, and the last text I received from her said…”Do you need me for something”?   Sure, you can’t move or talk, but yeah, can you fold some laundry!

She was abundant with perspective.   She asked me multiple times if her living with us was an inconvenience.  I always told her that I would have given anything to live with my Grandma growing up.  Our kids had the greatest gift.

The crazy thing is I am not sure I have ever used or even really understood what “abundant” meant.   Thus, as all highly-educated people do, I turned to Google…

“Living an abundant life means Focusing on and giving thanks for the blessing in your life rather than focusing on what has been taken away or what is lacking.  Living in abundance does not mean an abundance of material things.  Material possessions are fleeting, here today and gone tomorrow.”

If you know anything about Gaga’s life, she could easily have complained about what was lacking or taken away from her.  From growing up in the streets in Chicago, to losing most of her family at early ages in horrific ways, to her multiple car crashes and medical issues that would have ended a weaker person’s life many years ago.  Gaga’s life wasn’t “easy”.   She NEVER complained about the hand she was dealt.  She felt and truly believed she was blessed.

One final thought…a few direct words to those closest to Gaga:

Finley, Ellen, Cooper, Hunter, Fiona, Logan, Fletcher – you know she loved you more than anything.  You know this because she told you, and told you often.   “I love you more”.   She absolutely adored getting to play cards with you, watch movies, go to your volleyball and basketball games.  The greatest gift you have is her memory and the traditions that she helped start for you that you will pass on to your own kids one day.

Jen – I feel like I can share this because I talked to your mom and we talked about you often!  Jen, you were exactly what your mom needed you to be.  She was so proud of you and what you have accomplished in your life.   She wants you to realize that and not doubt yourself.  You helped her in so many ways – in exactly how she needed you to be.

Nan – not sure words can say what I want to say here…but here goes.   Nan is Gaga; Gaga is Nan.  Their relationship was something else – no secrets, nothing went unsaid.  Oh, there were times they disagreed/argued – I mean they lived together for 15 years – who else could do that.  It was honestly so fun to watch.  They would argue and then both would walk around the house – cleaning – until eventually they would meet in Gaga’s room and talk it out.  Eventually, you would hear them giggle and I knew they were OK.  Neither could go very long having the other person mad at them.  Nan, watching you go through this past week has been special.  I know in the coming days/weeks/months, there will be incredible moments of sadness and loss, but I know deep down, it will be OK for you.  For you know that your mom knew EXACTLY how you felt and you know EXACTLY how she felt about you.  It’s a great piece of advice for anyone here – take the opportunity to have the relationship with your parent.  You won’t regret it.  Nancy and her mom had the best relationship I have ever seen.

For all my people here in attendance – I am good for a few years.   Grandma, Dad, Gaga – all great people, but they can have fun on their own for a few years.   No more dying please.

As many of your know, my most favorite statement of all-time is from Mother Theresa – “if you want to change the world, go home and love your family”.   You are all Gaga’s family.   She loved her family – Abundantly!