Corona Virus Quarantine Day #220: My Small Ask: October 28, 2020:
If you like and respect me, I have an ask. I’ll get there in a minute but first this…
I am a perfectionist. As I sat in our beautiful school chapel at St. James Academy today I reflected on how sometimes it is hard to be me. Yet, also, at the same time, it is great to be me. Stay with me here.
I am the most competitive person that I know, and I coach for a living, so that’s saying a lot. I want to be the best at absolutely everything that I do. This is both a blessing and a curse. It has certainly helped me achieve success in my life both professionally and personally. But…it has also caused me stress and a loss of sleep through the years.
I also am an empath. I feel everyone else’s pain, deeply. Again, both a blessing and a curse. It’s helped me have some of the most meaningful relationships of my life. It’s also allowed me to impact the lives of many kids over the past 20 years. But…it’s also caused me deep pain and profound sadness through the years.
Again, it’s hard to be me.
Yet, it’s also great to be me.
I’m a fixer. I don’t want there to be any injustice in the world. I don’t want people to hurt or suffer and if I can fix it…I feel it’s my responsibility to do what I can. Again, this has led to deep meaningful relationships and feeling really fulfilled at times, but also it’s left me feeling empty, because I can’t always fix the problem.
Being a mother is the greatest gift GOD has ever given me and for as long as I can remember it was the only thing I wanted in this entire world. I’m certain that this desire is what led me to the profession of teacher and coach. In a way, I get to be like a “mom” like figure to so many others, which is pretty awesome.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I believe I am good at it. However, there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t reflect and think I could have done more, been better. While this both drives my passion and helps me be a “good” mom it also makes me crazy sometimes thinking about what more I could be doing in any given situation.
It’s hard to be me.
It’s great to be me.
I have incredibly high expectations of myself and those in my life. This fact is in part how I married the greatest man I’ve ever known. My mom always told me if you set the bar high, you will have good people in your life who will rise to that expectation. I have found this to be incredibly true. It is now a lesson we pass on to our players, our students and our own children. However, these expectations also have caused me deep disappointment when someone I love or care for falls short of those expectations.
So, my point…Every person on this planet has these same struggles. They are hard on themselves, struggle to believe that they can accomplish it all. They question if they could have done more, done better or done differently in any given situation. We all need to know that people see us. That people see all the good we are throwing out into the universe and acknowledge it.
Sadly, our world isn’t very good at doing this. We don’t like to share our feelings. We don’t like to be vulnerable. We have a hard time telling people why we think they are awesome. But…why? If we know it could change someone’s day or even life, wouldn’t we always share? I try to live my life this way. I don’t always succeed.
Bryan and I were chatting about this tonight and he said this, and I think it really fit here. The two most important voices in your life are the ones in your own head. One tells you that you are kick ass, the other tells you aren’t good enough. How you manage your relationship between the two of them will determine the success in your life.
If this isn’t 100% truth, I don’t know what is.
So, now…my “ask”, I am asking that you write (yes, handwritten) notes to 5 people in your life. Please tell them what you love about them and/or how they inspire you. Let 5 people know that you see them. Let them know they should listen to the voice telling them they are awesome rather than the one trying to make them believe they are not. I plan to ask our kids to do the same this weekend. I am excited to see who they choose to write to.
Being a perfectionist, empath, who wants to fix all the problems and has very high expectations is hard sometimes. But…it’s so much more good than it is bad. It has blessed me in immeasurable ways. So I am going to write to 5 people who inspire me, help me or who need to hear just how awesome they are.
I am writing mine tomorrow.
I can’t wait.