Corona Virus Quarantine Day #205: Mack Truck: October 12, 2020:
Ever feel like you got hit with a mack truck and then the same mack truck went in reverse and rolled back over you? No? Just me?
Today was one of those days for me. I’m feeling the impact of all things Covid.
I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m “over it” as they say. That’s not to say that I don’t still know it’s serious or know that we have challenges yet ahead…I think I’m mostly worn down by all the fighting that’s happening regarding all things Covid.
Some people think masks are essential, others are posting things all day that suggest masks do more harm than good (I’m not interested in entering this debate…for the record). Some people thing Covid is a government ploy and once the election is over it will disappear (that remains to be seen and is unlikely given the way it seems to be spreading right now). Others think that all schools and activities should be open and there should be no restrictions regardless of what the “experts” say. Many, in communities nearby are fighting their local school boards. St. James has been in full blown school for 4 weeks, hybrid for 4 weeks before that. There are many kids (like in the Shawnee Mission school district) that haven’t set foot inside an actual classroom in their building yet. That’s hard to believe.
School admin, instead of observing their staff and planning in-services are spending their every waking moment contract tracing so they can do the right thing by the kids, their families and the health department.
I’m tired of zoom. While zoom has made my job possible for the past 6 months, zoom doesn’t always work right. It’s very frustrating when you are counting on it to work and it doesn’t. High class problems, I know.
I’m over having kids in my physical classroom and kids at home on their computers. It’s hard to do both at the same time. It feels like no one is really learning sometimes. I pray they are and try to be as engaging as possible…but…the truth is…we don’t know.
I’m tired of my 5, 8 and 10 years old being in masks. The world can’t see their beautiful smiles or personalities when they are hidden behind that thing. I wish we knew the real cold hard truth about the masks and if kids need to be in them or not.
I also am tired of teaching and coaching in a mask. I want to smile, laugh and joke with my kids. I want to hug…everyone.
Regardless of what is real or true what I know is that it’s exhausting…all the back and forth and the lack of clear cut, precise, accurate data that tells us the truth. Instead we get the truth compounded with people’s political agendas and personal opinions.
So today, the mack truck got me and it got me good. Instead of doing the multitude of things I should be doing, I’m going to bed at 8:30pm. Yes, that’s right, I’ll be in bed…hopefully sleeping off this mental and physical exhaustion from the mack truck that ran me down.
I remain grateful. Being worn out and frustrated doesn’t mean I have forgotten to be grateful or that I am focused on negativity. I believe you can be both grateful and frustrated at the same time. Today, I’m keeping it real. And today…I’m struggling.
I am very thankful for my family and my people. I am very thankful for my school and my kids school. I am very thankful to be alive and to be employed and to live in a warm, safe house. All of those things are still true. It’s ok to be worn out (or at least that’s what I’m telling myself) from time to time and to go to bed at 8:30.
See you tomorrow!